I was born with you, the day of your birth,
in your awakening
Out of those moments of joy bursting with light.
I stood by you, through years of your longing,
in your flagellation
Through those moments of pain echoing with the truth.
We have always been one, though you split us in two
Denied me, seeking fulfilment from others besides me.
Embarrassed, you walked away
I saw you look back eyes dark with regret.
You had no sense to know you could never forget.
Once in your mid-life, I sent you flowers, a fragrant bouquet
Hoping to remind you of what we had, and all the missed hours.
You read the note, threw it in the bin
Hid in the bedroom and found you could not hide from what was within.
That night, in the yellow of the porch light, you looked up at the stars
wondering, always wondering.
And here we are, together still at the end of your life.
Yes I’m still here, beside you, within you
And I bloom in your chest, with a lot of regret.
You tell me you’re sorry, you don’t know what happened
I say nothing, just let you speak, hear your voice cracking.
The pain in your voice is much for me to bear.
I know I tried to tell you over the years
that for you to truly live, both of us need to have life.
But I will die with you, the world never knowing who I am
More tragic than this, is the self you hid from the world.
All I could do was show myself to you
Hoping you would find your courage.
Something you could never do.
Oh the life we could have lived!
The possibilities we could have explored!
It is harder for me still, to question my own existence
The dream that never could and never will,
be more than a thought in your head
A fledgling hope that never took flight.
Why was I here? It makes no sense.
Then I look in your eyes,
moments before the light in them goes out,
and I see the same questions stirring about.
****
Inspired by an article I read on the regrets of the dying. Unfulfilled dreams were one of the biggest regrets.
There is something about unfulfilled dreams, hopes and desires that cause us so much pain. Most of it seems to go against logic and reason and it takes courage to follow them.
Undeniably, dreams are a part of who we are. To fulfil them is to fulfil ourselves. To give them life, is to give us a life that feels authentic, and has a buzz to it that makes us feel very much alive.
Need a better title. It is a WIP. Suggestions welcome!
Here’s to your dreams 🙂
